&the greying vision

Sunday, November 11, 2007 7:35 PM

as i've said, i wouldn't stay with that skin for long.
so since i'm free, i shall change a blog skin.
alright, i've spent hours on it.
:\
but the outcome was alright.
at least my efforts din't go down the drain.
(:

in my previous post, i wrote ~~fuck up~~.
indeed, i was super fucked up!
in fact, it's fubar.
like &)(*#%^%*@!(&^..
i got no idea what gone into my mind.
i just could say that it had gone wild;
it had gone haywired.

whatever it is, my mind is still stuck back then.
emotions has been haywire too.
that day when i took a train from tampanis to clementi, heading to ngee ann poly.
when it aljunied, i thought of my dear grandmum.
when it reach commonwealth, i thought of my old house.
when it reach clementi, i thought of my secondary school.
when i reach clementi bus stop, looking at bus service 105 driving past me.
when i board bus 184, looking at the oh-so-familiar route till 184 turned left.
yes, i nearly cried.
those memories are still there.
when i told caroli and eileen about how clementi town secondary school was, tears nearly rolled down.
i cant move on.
thinking that the building that i spent 5 years there, was gone for good.
this is what i call, memories are kept in the heart.
those fun moment with the clementeens.
and stayovers at school.
camps.
workshops.
basketball.
whatever shits.

that day, i was browsing the old photos.
randomly, i saw my grandmum's photo.
which was dated a year ago, around august.
tears flow down like nobody's business.
my sister just told me today,
"sometimes i was still thinking next year chinese new year, we're going to popo house to gather.
but we've forgotten the fact that she's gone."
thinking of that simply made me _____.
yea. as usual, fill in the blanks.

photos like this,
i guess i'll never have a chance to take.

i seriously wish i could turn time back.
to the time when everything has yet to happen.
not her, nor her

~~i'm glad that she said it out.~~
~~yet, i cant think of ways, that i could help her.~~

yours truly.

[edited]
everyone's in such a bad condition.
EVERYONE.
everyone has it's own problem.
yet, each and individual has it's own solution.
each and individual has their own way of thinking.
nonchalent?
cindy cant do that.
she cant leave her friends in lurch.
no matter is her, her or her.
they told me their problems.
even if they dint tell me,
i know what are their thinking.
i just want to be there and support them.

yet my own problems are enough for me to suffer.
she's not being understanding.
understanding?
this word i think i'll never expect from her.
but what still, i still need respect.

someone has said.
probems are best to say out.
instead of bottling in oneself.
but, maybe here's the only way i could voice out.

there's too many moments that i couldn't take.
couldn't take the stress.
this year, not once, but umpteen times.

[/edited]

1thing2do3words4you.